Just over a month ago I moved in with two friends. One catch…they are
both guys. I never for one second considered this to be a problem but, at the
same time, the only men I have ever lived with before are my dad and my
brother. I gathered that this was going to be an altogether different
experience.
Thus far, I have been right. This is what I have learnt about living with guys (more specifically, living with Ant and Alan)...
If you ask for salad you will be ignored.
Two evenings in a row I asked the guys if they could buy salad ingredients for dinner. Instead, I was offered nachos, bacon, chocolate milk, beef burgers, brioche and enough cheese to blow my cholesterol levels through the roof.
They will influence you to do pointless, yet funny, things.
Since moving in I have entertained my flatmates by carrying out some very strange dares including (somehow) fitting my entire body into two pillow cases. Ashamedly, I was probably only drunk for half of these shenanigans and there is photographic evidence of all of them. So I expect there is a new blog on the horizon entitled “The Stupid Things Laura Does”.
Film tastes will differ slightly.
“I don’t deal well with gore, Ant. Will I like this film?”
“Sure, I don’t remember it being that gory.”
“I also have a huge fear of clowns.”
“There’s definitely not a single clown in this film.”
Cue torture obsessed zombies, gushes of blood and one hellish and unexpected moment when a murderous clown burst onto the screen. Ladies, if you ever move in with guys please note that their definitions of “scary” and “gory” are more likely our definitions for “terrifying” and “so gory you’ll be seeing things through a red haze for weeks”.
They will tell you off.
We did have a joke that Ant and Alan were cohabiting and I was their adopted child. A joke that I forgot until I found myself being told of for not finishing my dinner or not washing up well enough. Now I’m wondering if they weren’t joking and were actually trying to tell me that they secretly adopted me. On the other hand, I do also get told off for not staying out late enough on a Friday night so I guess I got a relatively good deal.
They can fix stuff in highly innovative ways.
Seriously, I have been impressed. I got the zip stuck on my handbag today and ran to Ant for help. In a few minutes he had fixed it using just a lighter. Alan, on the other hand, did try to use superglue to fix the handle on his bedroom door and now it doesn’t shut. So I guess it depends on the day (or levels of sobriety) if you want a DIY miracle.
It doesn’t take guys long to get ready.
I have found myself doing my hair and make-up in record timing because the guys will suddenly announce that we are leaving right that minute and will stand at the front door yelling “WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!”. I have learnt that “applying mascara” or “choosing what shoes to wear” are not acceptable answers at this point, especially if they are hungry.
If you ask for salad you will be ignored.
Two evenings in a row I asked the guys if they could buy salad ingredients for dinner. Instead, I was offered nachos, bacon, chocolate milk, beef burgers, brioche and enough cheese to blow my cholesterol levels through the roof.
They will influence you to do pointless, yet funny, things.
Since moving in I have entertained my flatmates by carrying out some very strange dares including (somehow) fitting my entire body into two pillow cases. Ashamedly, I was probably only drunk for half of these shenanigans and there is photographic evidence of all of them. So I expect there is a new blog on the horizon entitled “The Stupid Things Laura Does”.
Film tastes will differ slightly.
“I don’t deal well with gore, Ant. Will I like this film?”
“Sure, I don’t remember it being that gory.”
“I also have a huge fear of clowns.”
“There’s definitely not a single clown in this film.”
Cue torture obsessed zombies, gushes of blood and one hellish and unexpected moment when a murderous clown burst onto the screen. Ladies, if you ever move in with guys please note that their definitions of “scary” and “gory” are more likely our definitions for “terrifying” and “so gory you’ll be seeing things through a red haze for weeks”.
They will tell you off.
We did have a joke that Ant and Alan were cohabiting and I was their adopted child. A joke that I forgot until I found myself being told of for not finishing my dinner or not washing up well enough. Now I’m wondering if they weren’t joking and were actually trying to tell me that they secretly adopted me. On the other hand, I do also get told off for not staying out late enough on a Friday night so I guess I got a relatively good deal.
They can fix stuff in highly innovative ways.
Seriously, I have been impressed. I got the zip stuck on my handbag today and ran to Ant for help. In a few minutes he had fixed it using just a lighter. Alan, on the other hand, did try to use superglue to fix the handle on his bedroom door and now it doesn’t shut. So I guess it depends on the day (or levels of sobriety) if you want a DIY miracle.
It doesn’t take guys long to get ready.
I have found myself doing my hair and make-up in record timing because the guys will suddenly announce that we are leaving right that minute and will stand at the front door yelling “WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!”. I have learnt that “applying mascara” or “choosing what shoes to wear” are not acceptable answers at this point, especially if they are hungry.
These are my observations so far and I expect that there
will be many more to come. In any case, there aren’t going to be any dull
moments living with these two! (Hi lads, I know you’re reading this. And no,
Alan, of course I haven’t changed your name Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster for anonymity purposes.)
